On the 11th day of the 25 days of Christmas we learn that the writer of these things (me) is a master fortune teller do to the proximity of this pre-determined article to the snow storms throughout America. Just friggin' kidding! It was bound to snow sometime am I right? Snow fucking blows.| IT'S NOT ACTUALLY COCAINE Sure, people can joke around and call sweet, sweet cocaine things like "white girl" and "snow", but that doesn't mean white girls or snow is cocaine. Which sucks because now we still have white girls to fiend for our yay and snow to lose it in. Teen News does not advocate the use of sweet, sweet, sweet, cocaine. TEENS CAN'T DRIVE ALREADY
Teen drivers are some of the most notorious drivers of our time. Finishing right behind asian women and old people, mostly because of the popularity of candy crush. No teen wants to die, and if they did, they'd probably be dead already. SHOVELING? FUCK YOU DAD This one goes out to all of the male compadres reading this. Your dad has a "bad back" and "wants to drink beer and watch netflix" so he forces you to shovel the driveway. In the 1850s they would refer to this as "definitely not slavery". IT'S COLD What do teens like? Sexy chicks, lit blunts, and swag cars. What are all of those things? Hot. Hot. Hot. There's no room for this cold ass shit killing our buzz and ironically being the least chill form of H20 there is. NO SCHOOL Just kidding. 4/20 blaze it. |
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