| FARGO, ND - Starbucks recently declared that after the holiday season when they officially stop serving the Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino they will hold a battle royale. Ten of the most talented white girls from both sides of the argument will fight to the death to determine if the Pumpkin Spice Latte or the Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino will become a permanent edition to the Starbucks menu. The losers not only lose their lives, but their beverage of choice will be figuratively thrown into the fiery abyss of Mount Doom. Teen News met up with both sides before the bloodletting begins on Kwanzaa.
The PM(F)S Girls as they have so passionately been calling themselves were donned in candy cane war suits in their Christmas themed training room. Ten members: Stacy, Sarah, Tara, Beth, Britney, Becca, Katie, Ashley, Alyssa, and Deb; each whiter than the last and all whipping uggs across the room like shurikens. When asked if they thought they could win, Sarah and Alyssa simultaneously responded "duh" with the confidence of seasoned veterans. We then asked them how they felt about murdering fellow teenage girls to get their drink on the menu to which they responded "sorry not sorry". Absolutely vicious.
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The P(M)SL Girls as they jealously called themselves after hearing about their competitors nicknames were all wearing their Halloween costumes in Beth's dad basement. Ten members: Beth (slutty cat), Alyssa (slutty cat), Katie (slutty witch), Ashley (miley cyrus), Deb (slutty skeleton), Becca (slutty cat), Britney (slutty hillary clinton), Stacy (slutty cat), Tara (not slutty hillary clinton), and Sarah (slutty cat); all with faded summer tans and swinging outdated iPhone 4 chargers like nunchakus. We started by asking what makes these girls so confident they can win and Stacy volunteered to answer. "Do you know who my dad is?" No, we didn't. "He's a lawyer, if we lose he'll take you to court." Naturally the follow-up was to remind them that losing means that they are dead and that murder usually lands you in court, anyway, she responded, "OMG Shut upppp". That's the icy demeanour of a cold blooded killer.
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