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ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   CENSORED: 10th grade teen refuses to say "the n word" during a class reading of To Kill A Mockingbird "there were black kids in that class"                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   EASY LIVIN: teens are out of school and ready to let loose for the summer! "yo man i'm bored af" "me too"                   MUSIC: 8th grader brings his recorder to school "wtf are u doing" "serenading yung pussy" *plays harmonious tune* *swan dives into clitoris*                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   RAGE: teen plays Pokemon Gold *at pokecenter* *rapidly clicking A* *accidentally clicks A too much and the nurse starts talking again* NOOOO                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   CENSORED: 10th grade teen refuses to say "the n word" during a class reading of To Kill A Mockingbird "there were black kids in that class"                   CHAMP: teen is a "winner" "I DID IT MOM. I FINALLY DID IT" *runs up to mom w/ gameboy* "I BEAT THE ELITE FOUR" "who gives a fuck? you're 19"

HOLIDAY DRINKS: CHRISTMAS THEMED ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES





Tis the season to get drunk as fuck and make decisions you may or may not regret for the rest of your life.  Are you an August baby? If you answered yes to that question you may or may not be one the aforementioned regretful decisions.  LET'S BREAK DOWN THE TOP 3 HOLIDAY DRINKS IN THE 9TH DAY OF THE TEEN NEWS 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!



3. CANDY CANE MALT LIQUOR 40s


Can you imagine anything better than the combination of peppermint and Colt 45? Probably not, but remember to pour some out for the elves that aren't here right now.

2. KEYSTONE LIGHT



Nothing quite says Merry Christmas like hanging out with your main man Keith Stone.  Besides, your wallet is probably pretty tight after buying a really nice present for your mom.  BUY A REALLY NICE PRESENT FOR YOUR MOM.

1. ECSTASY EGGNOG













An inconspicuous way to turn up your holiday party.  Drop a few E pills in the eggnog and get ready to hop on prancer and the rest of the other reindeer babes at the party.  
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas