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OBAMA CARES: teens have no idea "the government is gonna shut down!?" "yea something about a tea party" "wow politics is so gay"                   NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   CHAT: teens talk on AIMâ„¢ Sk8rBoy - did she blow u? Dude86 - yea, but she sucked dick at it Sk8rBoy - is that good or bad? Dude86 - lmao dude                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   NICE: teens prepare for finals "i took like 120 mg's of adderall" "i didn't even study. i just organized my itunes library for 6 hours"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*                   LANDLOCKED: Nebraska teens think about the beach "what do you think the ocean is like?" "it's probably hella gay" "i don't even like salt"                   HOT: teens love sexting! 9:14 - i wanna sex u up 9:15 - wat u gna do 2 me? 9:15 - ima stick my penis in ur *goes on wikipedia* 9:24 - labia                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   FUN: college teens live it up "i thought tonight we'd go classy, so i bought the $18 vodka instead of the $12 one" "WE'LL DRINK LIKE KINGS"                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*

HOLIDAY DRINKS: CHRISTMAS THEMED ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES





Tis the season to get drunk as fuck and make decisions you may or may not regret for the rest of your life.  Are you an August baby? If you answered yes to that question you may or may not be one the aforementioned regretful decisions.  LET'S BREAK DOWN THE TOP 3 HOLIDAY DRINKS IN THE 9TH DAY OF THE TEEN NEWS 25 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!



3. CANDY CANE MALT LIQUOR 40s


Can you imagine anything better than the combination of peppermint and Colt 45? Probably not, but remember to pour some out for the elves that aren't here right now.

2. KEYSTONE LIGHT



Nothing quite says Merry Christmas like hanging out with your main man Keith Stone.  Besides, your wallet is probably pretty tight after buying a really nice present for your mom.  BUY A REALLY NICE PRESENT FOR YOUR MOM.

1. ECSTASY EGGNOG













An inconspicuous way to turn up your holiday party.  Drop a few E pills in the eggnog and get ready to hop on prancer and the rest of the other reindeer babes at the party.  
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas