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ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   TURNT: 7th graders go H.A.M. for Billy's 13th BDay "dude i just chugged 3 Kool-Aid Jammerz" "i think im starting to feel it"                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"                   BREAKING: teen girl makes post on public social media for all to see i am so fckinnn mad right now -why? -i don't want to talk about it                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   DIESEL: teen gets pulled over "officer, i know i was speeding i was just really mad" *officer lowers shades* "so you were FAST and FURIOUS?"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   REBEL: teen makes breakfast for dinner "this is not an appropriate time for that!" FUCK SOCIETY *dropkicks mom* I'M MAKING FLAP JACKS                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   WHY: teens can't understand their failures with women "i wore my best fedora!" did you show her ur beyblades? "no i forgot" rookie mistake                   EMPLOYMENT: teen girls fills out job application "should i put down that i was twerk team captain?" "fuck yea i should"                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"

DEAR SANTA,: TEEN CHRISTMAS LISTS



Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is all 25 of these GAME-CHANGING 25 DAYS OF TEEN NEWS CHRISTMAS PALOOZA ARTICLES.  Well, maybe there's something else you want, but either way we can all basque in nostalgia and try to laugh at one of the dumber Christmas traditions of all time...writing to good ol' Saint Nick.


Teen News goes undercover as a nine year old kid and we start off the mission with our very own Christmas list.



















Not to be confused with the typical "white girl" Christmas list.



















So what now?  Well we bring it to the post office of course!

TN: can you mail this letter to Santa?
Employee: you're like..20 years old
TN: come on dude
Employee: grow up
TN: don't be a dick dude

After we decided that didn't work we decided to try to send it from our very own mailbox.  Unfortunately, you need stamps, and we didn't feel like paying any fucking money because we know Santa doesn't exist.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas

TAKE TWO: Some scientists INSIST that if you throw your Christmas list in the fire the smoke will rise out of the chimney and travel to the North Pole where Santa Claus will get some elves with master's degrees to turn the smoke back into solid paper and spend days on end trying to assemble the hundreds of thousands of pieces together.  PROTIP: If you have kids, use this, because stamps are a ripoff.  Actually maybe just send it to santaclaus@whateverwebsiteyouwant.com because we're pretty positive it isn't some weirdo who gets off taking a look at the dreams of children.

WILL TEEN NEWS GET MOLLY!? DOES SANTA EXIST? TEEN NEWS CONTINUES TO INVESTIGATE THROUGHOUT THE MONTH OF DECEMBER!!!