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WHITE GIRL: teen asked what 5 things she would bring to a deserted island 1. uggs 2. iPhone 3. iPhone charger 4. starbucks giftcard 5. my bf                   HEALTH: teens converse while smoking cigs "can cell phones really give you cancer?" "i hope not" *takes drag* "i'd hate to get cancer"                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*                   UNEMPLOYED: teen gets turned down at local super market for putting "rolls hella dope blunts" on his resume "how is that not a good skill??"                   SUPER SMASH BROTHAS: teen claims Nintendo is racist "there's no black people in super smash" well, there IS donkey ko- *gets ass beat hard*                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   SCIENTIFIC: studies indicate that 3 out of every 4 teens smoke marijuana. Coincidentally, scientists also found that 1 in 4 teens are nerds                   HOUSE RULES: a teen argues with his father "WEAR YOUR SNAPBACK SON" "dad why" "there are swagless kids in africa" "UGH YOU'RE TOO RAD DAD"                   VIDEO GAMES: teen gets upset while playing Halo "why's this homo called master chef he never even cooks" "it's chief" "he's not even indian"                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   CHECK UP: teen vists doctor "so are you sexually active?" no "any drugs or alcohol?" nope "i see. well my prognosis is you're a fuckin nerd"                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"

DEAR SANTA,: TEEN CHRISTMAS LISTS



Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is all 25 of these GAME-CHANGING 25 DAYS OF TEEN NEWS CHRISTMAS PALOOZA ARTICLES.  Well, maybe there's something else you want, but either way we can all basque in nostalgia and try to laugh at one of the dumber Christmas traditions of all time...writing to good ol' Saint Nick.


Teen News goes undercover as a nine year old kid and we start off the mission with our very own Christmas list.



















Not to be confused with the typical "white girl" Christmas list.



















So what now?  Well we bring it to the post office of course!

TN: can you mail this letter to Santa?
Employee: you're like..20 years old
TN: come on dude
Employee: grow up
TN: don't be a dick dude

After we decided that didn't work we decided to try to send it from our very own mailbox.  Unfortunately, you need stamps, and we didn't feel like paying any fucking money because we know Santa doesn't exist.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas

TAKE TWO: Some scientists INSIST that if you throw your Christmas list in the fire the smoke will rise out of the chimney and travel to the North Pole where Santa Claus will get some elves with master's degrees to turn the smoke back into solid paper and spend days on end trying to assemble the hundreds of thousands of pieces together.  PROTIP: If you have kids, use this, because stamps are a ripoff.  Actually maybe just send it to santaclaus@whateverwebsiteyouwant.com because we're pretty positive it isn't some weirdo who gets off taking a look at the dreams of children.

WILL TEEN NEWS GET MOLLY!? DOES SANTA EXIST? TEEN NEWS CONTINUES TO INVESTIGATE THROUGHOUT THE MONTH OF DECEMBER!!!