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ATTITUDE: teen fired from pizza joint for talking back over the phone "how much will a large pizza feed?" "one if ur a fuckin fatass"                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   MUSIC: h/s senior receives detention after arguing with his teacher "i said lil b is better than elton john" "i guess mr. ross isn't based"                   STONED: teen in hospital after "the biggest bong hit of all time" he claims he "ripped that shit like Michael Phelps" and he's "still baked"                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   HARDCORE: teens in egage in a drug deal at school "you got the moll?" yea *hands him 2 flintstones vitamins for $40* enjoy my nigga                   TRIPPY: teens drop acid for the first time "grasshoppers are the dubstep of nature" "holy shit bro that's so deep" "i'm a young socrates"                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"

CHRISTMAS MOVIES...THAT WILL GET YOU LAID


As a followup to the oh so unpopular teen news "...that will get you laid" series, listed are the five Christmas movies guaranteed to get you laid.  More than likely you can find these movies on ABC Family, which we promise is not paying us to be featured in this article.


The Santa Clause

 Wordplay in the title? This snappy 90s comedy will definitely encourage your girl to let you fill her up with the Christmas spirit.


Elf

You're in there like elf wear about three minutes into this movie.  By the time the narwhal says "bye buddy" you'll already be a father of two with a pretty solid house.


Predator

 Not the most Christmas themed cinema, but be prepared to get in the American shopping spirit when you see the former member of California trying to kill an evil alien that is simultaneously hunting him.  Humans truly are the most dangerous game.


Ghostbusters 2

 In this modern take on "A Christmas Carol" Billy Murray plays a dickhead tv executive.  Bitches love dicks, show her yours.


Patton

 Watch one of the more controversial generals in American history during World War II as his tactics promote peace throughout Europe.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas