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PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   You can support the site by clicking an ad if it is relevant to your interests!                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   SCHOOL: "ms. jones is def in the illuminati dude. she's always talkin about triangles" "she's a geometry teacher" "...the fuck's geometry?"                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   KILLER KUSH: teens get high "bro i think i'm dead" "ur just freaking out" "i'm srs" *turns into ghost* "damn, that kush was dank" *hi fives*                   LANDLOCKED: Nebraska teens think about the beach "what do you think the ocean is like?" "it's probably hella gay" "i don't even like salt"                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   FISH ARE FRIENDS: a white girl posts a facebook status Becky: i'm FINna watch some shark week! Hannah: omg so creative! Becky: love uuuuuuu                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*

CHRISTMAS MOVIES...THAT WILL GET YOU LAID


As a followup to the oh so unpopular teen news "...that will get you laid" series, listed are the five Christmas movies guaranteed to get you laid.  More than likely you can find these movies on ABC Family, which we promise is not paying us to be featured in this article.


The Santa Clause

 Wordplay in the title? This snappy 90s comedy will definitely encourage your girl to let you fill her up with the Christmas spirit.


Elf

You're in there like elf wear about three minutes into this movie.  By the time the narwhal says "bye buddy" you'll already be a father of two with a pretty solid house.


Predator

 Not the most Christmas themed cinema, but be prepared to get in the American shopping spirit when you see the former member of California trying to kill an evil alien that is simultaneously hunting him.  Humans truly are the most dangerous game.


Ghostbusters 2

 In this modern take on "A Christmas Carol" Billy Murray plays a dickhead tv executive.  Bitches love dicks, show her yours.


Patton

 Watch one of the more controversial generals in American history during World War II as his tactics promote peace throughout Europe.
25 Days of Christmas
December 1st Advent Calendars
December 2nd Holiday Decorating
December 3rd WTF Happened To The Radio Part 1
December 4th Christmas Trees Are Just Plants
December 5th Hanukkah In Review
December 6th "Happy Holidays"
December 7th Ebay Christmas Ornaments
December 8th Dear Santa,
December 9th Holiday Drinks
December 10th Pumpkin Spice Latte VS. Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino
December 11th Snow Blows
December 12nd XXX-Mas
December 13th Desolation of Smaug (Christmas)
December 14th WTF Happened To The Radio Part 2
December 15th Wait, Christmas Is Religious AF
December 16th Rudolph - The Ginger Reindeer
December 17th What To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas
December 18th Chlamydia - The Real Grinch
December 19th Why You Want To Be On The Naughty List
December 20th Christmas Movies...That Will Get You Laid
December 21st Looking Back At The End Of The World
December 22nd Stocking Stuffers (NSFW)
December 23rd Last Second Gifts
December 24th Twas The Night Before Christmas
December 25th Merry F****** Christmas