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BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   PUTT PUTT: teen has trouble on his first date w/ female "she beat me in mini golf" that's rough, what did you do? "i left her there" nice                   GTA: teen love gaming! "wait guys, don't you think this game is a little offensive to women?" *silence* "LOL JK" *kills another hooker*                   CHRONIC: teen smokes weed for the first time "..dude" what "....dude" what?? "duuuuude" WHAT?? "i'm so ripped" we didn't even smoke yet "oh"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   STUDY: teen crams for exam PREPARE THE LUBE MOTHER *jams textbook into anus* i guess you can say ill be pulling the answers...OUT OF MY ASS                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   OCTOBER: teens go on a haunted hayride *throws hay onto females* "HAY GIRL" *throws more hay* "i said...HAY GIRL" "hayyyy!" *gets laid*                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   BUSTED: teens get pulled over on the highway "is there any marijuana in the vehicle?" "lol of course dude it's the HIGHway" "have fun kids"

ALLEN IVERSON INTERVIEW: NOT DEAD


In this edition of celeb versus teen, a teen with very little knowledge on the sport of basketball recently sent former NBA player Allen Iverson a barrage of fan mail.  Allen Iverson joins teen news for the inside scoop on how professional athletes actually react to the very few messages they end up reading.


TN: You don't look like Allen Iverson.
AI: Trust me, I am.
TN: Okay.

TN: Let's look at Tim's first message to you.

Dear Alan Ivursun,

 Is it Alan or Allen? I wasn't really sure so I just picked one I hope that's OK. :) Anyway, I was watching you play basketball the other night and I just want to be like you! Can you come over one day and teach me how to shoot a b ball

 From, Tim

 AI: It's Allen.
TN: We know, but who are you really? You're not even black.
AI: Trust me, I'm Allen Iverson, but yea this kid's a god damn herb.

Dear Allen Iverson,

 I googled you this time.  Sorry for the spelling errors! Did you know you can pretty much google anything!  I also realized you retired a long time ago but you're still my favorite.  What's your favorite snack?  Personally I like Oreos because you can lick them for days.

 Sincerely, Tim

 AI:  I fucking love oreas.
TN: Oranges are delicious.
AI: I could eat orangutans all day everyday.

Allen,

 Can you please fucking respond, I'm literally sick of fucking sending you these god damn letters and acting like a cutesy bitch just to talk to you.  The real situation is my friend bet me $200 I couldn't get an NBA player to punch me in the face, and seeing how you're probably desperate af for the money I figured I'd split it with you.  So come at me pussy I live at [Address removed for privacy purposes]. 

 Fuck you, Tim

 AI: I'll knock that kid the fuck out.

Hopefully on the next edition of celeb versus teen we'll do a little more research before we attribute a bunch of quotes to the actual person when we knew right from the jump this guy was a fraud.  Seriously though, hit us up if you're the real Allen Iverson, we're here for you when life gets tough man.