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MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   MEMORIAL DAY: teen remembers the players that died in a Call of Duty team deathmatch "R.I.P. EternalVirgin, bonglover69, and BROBROBRO1"                   FUN: teens prepare for Halloween "okay. i'm mario, jeff's luigi, mark's wario, and steve.. ur waluigi" why am i waluigi? "BC NO ONE LIKES U"                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   SMACKED: teen nerd gets beat up by own father "sorry son, but you wore a naruto headband to dinner" "that shit just won't fly in my house"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   FANDANGO: 16 year olds try to see an R rated movie "i left my ID in-" *fake moustache falls off* "damnit" *sees grown ups 2*                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   GAME: teen joins a sports team in hopes of getting girls "sup ladies, i'm the quarterman for our school's hoopball squad" *has infinity sex*                   FUN: teens prepare for Halloween "okay. i'm mario, jeff's luigi, mark's wario, and steve.. ur waluigi" why am i waluigi? "BC NO ONE LIKES U"                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"

ALLEN IVERSON INTERVIEW: NOT DEAD


In this edition of celeb versus teen, a teen with very little knowledge on the sport of basketball recently sent former NBA player Allen Iverson a barrage of fan mail.  Allen Iverson joins teen news for the inside scoop on how professional athletes actually react to the very few messages they end up reading.


TN: You don't look like Allen Iverson.
AI: Trust me, I am.
TN: Okay.

TN: Let's look at Tim's first message to you.

Dear Alan Ivursun,

 Is it Alan or Allen? I wasn't really sure so I just picked one I hope that's OK. :) Anyway, I was watching you play basketball the other night and I just want to be like you! Can you come over one day and teach me how to shoot a b ball

 From, Tim

 AI: It's Allen.
TN: We know, but who are you really? You're not even black.
AI: Trust me, I'm Allen Iverson, but yea this kid's a god damn herb.

Dear Allen Iverson,

 I googled you this time.  Sorry for the spelling errors! Did you know you can pretty much google anything!  I also realized you retired a long time ago but you're still my favorite.  What's your favorite snack?  Personally I like Oreos because you can lick them for days.

 Sincerely, Tim

 AI:  I fucking love oreas.
TN: Oranges are delicious.
AI: I could eat orangutans all day everyday.

Allen,

 Can you please fucking respond, I'm literally sick of fucking sending you these god damn letters and acting like a cutesy bitch just to talk to you.  The real situation is my friend bet me $200 I couldn't get an NBA player to punch me in the face, and seeing how you're probably desperate af for the money I figured I'd split it with you.  So come at me pussy I live at [Address removed for privacy purposes]. 

 Fuck you, Tim

 AI: I'll knock that kid the fuck out.

Hopefully on the next edition of celeb versus teen we'll do a little more research before we attribute a bunch of quotes to the actual person when we knew right from the jump this guy was a fraud.  Seriously though, hit us up if you're the real Allen Iverson, we're here for you when life gets tough man.