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BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   BRAWL: teen loses fight to local bully "i don't get it. i watched the whole 1st season of dragon ball z" "i should have destroyed him"                   QUEERS OF WAR: teens argue over Xbox Live "suck my dick!" "no you suck my dick, bitch!" *teens exchange numbers and suck each other's dicks*                   FASHION: as camouflage becomes more fashionable, teens become harder and harder to spot "shit where did Tim go?" "lol i'm right here dude!"                   COOL AF: teen isn't comfortable with temperature in his room A/C to 68° "too cold" A/C to 70° "too hot" A/C to 69° *uncontrollable laughter*                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   BREAKING: teen girl makes post on public social media for all to see i am so fckinnn mad right now -why? -i don't want to talk about it                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   HIGH TIMES: teens smoke weed after school "dude... sinks are like showers but for your hands" *passes joint* ..bro that's fucking adorable                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   YOU GIVE BUD A BAD NAME: teen gets creative "i named my piece Bong Jovi" dude that's sick *rips bong so dang hard* "WE'RE HALFWAY THEREEE OH                   MIA: "mom i lost my swag!" "where did you last YOLO?" "i already checked my snapback collection!" "well i'm sure it'll TURN UP"                   REBEL: teen makes breakfast for dinner "this is not an appropriate time for that!" FUCK SOCIETY *dropkicks mom* I'M MAKING FLAP JACKS                   SCOOTIN: a local teen was officially "given back his virginity" after being spotted riding around on a Razor Scooter™ earlier today                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   MUSIC: 8th grader brings his recorder to school "wtf are u doing" "serenading yung pussy" *plays harmonious tune* *swan dives into clitoris*                   RIPPED: teens claim to have smoked that celebrity kush "i'm emma stoned" "i'm baked shelton" "i can't think of one...but i'm high af"                   CANDIE: Teen sent to office after making a 'shank' by sucking on a Push-Pop™ over a period of time "7th grades tough gotta stay strapped"

TYBG: 5 TEENS WHO ARE VERY GRATEFUL TO THE BASED GOD

When the sun goes down at nighttime whose the reason that it rises again in the morning? No, it’s not because god or allah, it cant be explained by gravity or science either…the answer is obvious, it’s because of our lord and savior Lil b! He singlehandedly is the cause of all things good on this planet. From inventing swag to just being positive in general, the based god serves as a role model for all. Here are the testimonies from 5 different teens whose lives have been made vastly better because of Lil b aka The Based God.


#1.


My name is Jacob, and I have a confession…sex and me don’t go hand in hand. In fact I never even hugged a girl (well except for my mom) until I was 17 years old! So anyway when I started working as a busboy at the local hooters I heard one of the large breasted waitresses talking about someone named Lil b, so long story short I youtubed him and listened to his music. Which just gave me the confidence I needed to pursue bitches. Here’s a picture of me about to get my dick sucked by this random girl I met on craigslist, and it’s all thanks to you Lil B!!!!

#2.

Lemme ask you fools somethin, you ever take a bath in a tub filled with krispy krème doughnuts?? Didn’t think so. My name is Trell and it’s always been a aspiration of mine to soak naked while covered in doughnuts. Now most fools was like “Trell you a fool for this one, who gonna let you fill they tub up with doughnuts son. That shit retarded.” At first I let that hate stop me from pursuing my dream, but then I started listening to Lil b (his White Flame mixtape, shits so cash) and I finally grew a pair of balls and asked my moms if she would cop me 3 dozen doughnuts to bathe in…and you know what the bitch said? HELL YEA FOOL, PURSUE YO DREAMS. So I did and it never woulda happened if it weren’t for you Lil b.

#3.

Growing up in South Dakota is pretty tragic, especially when your parents homeschool you! Always having to listen to their gay rules like “you can't wipe yourself after poddy time, mommy has to do it for you” can get pretty annoying, especially for a 16 year old! But one day in December my mom told me the most insane lie in the world…that Santa wasn’t real!!! Like WTF (sorry for cursing mom) that’s so messed up. So what did I do? I went on the interwebs and listened to the “MM…Christmas” mixtape by Lil b, which inspired me to travel to the North Pole and prove that Santa was real. My childhood was saved (as seen in the picture below) and it’s all due to you Lil b, thank you so much!!!

#4.

In life people will always tell you that you can’t do things like “Jessica, you can’t drink starbucks coffee out of your uggs” Like OMG it’s my life and you only live once so I’m gonna do whatever I want. But I didn’t always think that way, I used to listen to what people would tell me (I would even make guys put condoms on before sex!! Haha how dumb is that?!) but then I find out about this rapper named Lil b who would retweet pictures of you if you were a hot girl (for girl time) so I started sending him pictures (obvi getting some RT’s) which inspired me to shove my fist in my mouth one night at the club. Someone snapped a picture of me doing this and it got me so famous that I landed an interview with you guys (teen news), how awesome is that?! I have no one to blame but the based god! Thank you!!!



#5.

Meow meow meow meow…meow!!! Meow meow meow meow, meow meow…thank you so much Lil b!!