Menu

WONDERWALL: : teen learns guitar to pick up girls *strums a single G chord* "i'm gunna get so fucking laid"                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   PUBERTY: 16 y/o feels confident with his newly grown facial hair "one packet of cigarettes please" no "okay!" *moonwalks out of 7/11*                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   TRAGEDY: local teen legitimately "dies from boredom" "he forgot to bring his iphone with him in the bathroom" "sad day for teens everywhere"                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   BUDS: teens smoke marijuana "dude, could you imagine if weed was illegal?" "it is illegal" "WHAT??" *throws bong out window, flees country*                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   SIZZURP: Teens shocked after idol Lil Wayne goes into a codeine coma. "#PrayForWeezy" "if he dies we should def get school off"                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   STRUDEL'D: Teens get physical after toaster strudel incident "BRO DID YOU USE TWO PACKETS OF ICING" "yea?" "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE"                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"

6 SOFT DRINKS FOR HIPSTERS

Naturally you were the first one in your circle of friends to start drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and were disappointed when it became "too mainstream".  Here's your chance to get ahead of the curve once again and become a trend setter in a liquid that you're legally allowed to purchase.






6) 7Up
that red dude could be you
Sprite is obviously way too mainstream after the skrillex song "Scary Monsters & Nice Sprites" gave it the unintentional product placement boost.  Forget about Sierra Mist because Kanye "everyone loves him except for you" West fans still bump "Diamonds From Sierra Leone".  Give 7Up's below average lemon lime flavor a try, you might not regret it.

5) Mello Yello
any questions?
Dang, it's pretty unique how they dropped the w's from both of those words isn't it.  Technically they're not even words anymore.  Spell check doesn't approve so neither will your norm-abiding friends which makes this a perfect soda for you.

4) R.C. Cola
don't let the shape of your bottle define you
Screw the man, Coca Cola and Pepsi aren't ready for your counterculture.

3) Fresca


fresca wit a leaf on top
There are tons of people that drink Fresca actually.  However, none of those people are teens.  If you are a teen and you like Fresca, you are either not a teen or you don't like Fresca.  Unless of course, you're a hipster.

2) Pibb Xtra
this cat has the right idea
Impress the people you hang out with by pointing out you hated it when it was called "Mr. Pibb".  Explain that you didn't like how "the man" ascribed gender to an inanimate object and are only drinking it as a "fuck you" to the misogynistic culture that you vow to destroy.

1) Ale-8-One
You've probably never heard of it...