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You can support the site by clicking an ad if it is relevant to your interests!                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   STYLE: teen wears new scarf to school "what's that bro? a cum rag?" "nah, it's a pussy eating bib" *walks into girl's locker room*                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   STONED: teen takes his first ever "bong hit" "make sure you drink the bong water, it gets you super baked" "really?" "yea dude trust me"                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   BOSS: teen gets his homework checked "ya i didn't do it" "you don't have an excuse?" "EXCUSE me but how bout you get the FUCK outta my face"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   FML: a white teen was seen crying at starbucks this morning after they got her order wrong "here is your mocha frappe" "YOU'RE*"                   iOSHEAVEN: Teens marvel in Apple's latest conquest "iOS 7 is better than being alive" "now i can die happy" "i feel steve jobs inside me"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   KRUNK: high school freshmen plan a house party "we've got 16 beers. you think that'll be enough?" "yeah def" "dude this is gunna be EPIC"                   BAZINGA: teen breaks up with girlfriend for complicated reasons "she liked the big bang theory" "i just couldn't respect her as a person"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"                   LANDLOCKED: Nebraska teens think about the beach "what do you think the ocean is like?" "it's probably hella gay" "i don't even like salt"

STARBUCKS SECRET MENU: CHEAP AND TO DIE FOR

The House of Pumpkin Spice Latte and the House of Peppermint Mocha Frappe fought bravely for two weeks to decide which seasonal caffeinated beverage would remain on the Starbucks menu.  Teen News highlights the signature events of the fort night long war that determined the fate of white girls everywhere across America.  For the original article, click here.

FARGO, ND - Knowing their days of emoji sending may be coming to an end the twenty brave premium coffee loving warriors attended their mutual friend's mother's second wedding.  The event was scheduled to end at midnight, at which point the battle would officially begin.

12/26/13 - The Red Velvet Cake Wedding 
"The after party was at the holiday inn, there were plenty of cute boys and
our moms didn't care if we drank alcohol." - Eye Witness Testimony
The first night of Kwanzaa wasn't an ordinary throwback thursday.  It wasn't until the live band started to play Chingy's Holiday Inn that the girls supporting Pumpkin Spice noticed there was something up with their rivals' plates.  The Peppermint Mocha girls had all been eating chocolate cake, which made no sense because red velvet cake was the "so obvious choice".  Before the teens could begin poorly reciting the Chingy lyrics team Pumpkin Spice lost 8 members...to poison.  The only surviving members of P(M)SL girls were Becca and Stacy who had resisted the temptation of cake because "they thought they were fat".

12/29/13 - Pearls Harbor

 Just when you thought girls couldn't go behind anyone's backs, the Pumpkin Spice girls struck back.  The in tact Peppermint Mocha team and their incredibly terrible attention spans decided to browse a local mall's jewelery store.  Little did they know Stacy and Becca had "paid a guy definitely not in sexual favors though" to offer free pearl necklaces to any of the girls that would take them.  Seven of the PM(F)S girls donned the jewelery immediately, with witnesses saying "they assumed it was free because they're hot".  Then, another guy who Stacy and Becca had "paid definitely not in sexual favors" came into play.  With the promise of anonymity, teen news got him to comment. "They told me to kill any girl wearing a specific type of pearl necklace." The Navy Seal Sniper continued "It was as easy as shooting defensive white girls in a mall."

1/10/14 - It's My Life

 Starbucks was obviously receiving bad press because they condoned the murders of previously innocent privileged white girls so they decided to try to put an end to the violence.  However, they weren't able to get last minute One Direction tickets so they decided they'd get Bon Jovi tickets and lie to the girls.  Tara, Katie, Beth, Stacy, and Becca had a "massive heart to heart" and decided that it wasn't worth fighting over which Starbucks item stayed on the menu...finally.  This distracted them from the fact that they were walking into the midst of middle aged men and women who love Bon Jovi.  By the time they realized they'd been tricked, it was too late, they were listening to the music that their parents listened to.  All five of the remaining girls died from embarrassment at some point in the concert.  Bon Jovi declined to comment.

Kill Count: 5