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HIGH TIMES: teens smoke weed after school "dude... sinks are like showers but for your hands" *passes joint* ..bro that's fucking adorable                   RAP GAME: teen claims to have "2nd degree murdered" the track after rhyming "zimmerman" with "swimmer tan" however a florida jury disagreed                   FLAMER: teen boy's house burns down due to his scented candle collection. Firefighters comment "it's the gayest tradegy i've seen in years"                   COLLEGE: teen takes Adderall to help his grades "i'm gunna crush this test yo" *next day* "wait, you have to STUDY also??" *fails hard*                   GAMER: teens play Metroid Prime "did you know Samus is a chick?" *turns off gamecube* "no" *breaks disk in half* "no i did not"                   TEXTING: teens talk girls "dude she just texted me hey" ..so? "WITH TWO Y'S" *high fives so hard they break the fucking sound barrier*                   COMEDY: teens finish watching Breaking Bad "wow, more like breaking GOOD" "...i said, more like break-" "we heard you the first time dick"                   WORK: teen seeks job "it says here u defeated the elite 4 on ur 1st try" yes sir "congrats, u got the job. ur starting salary is $1,000,000"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   RADICAL: "hip dad" interacts with teenage children "sup kids? you guys feeling YOLO today?" dad no "this dinner sure is MAJOR SWAG" DAD WHY                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   CIGS: teen takes up smoking to appear cooler to his peers "have you taken up smoking?" "yes, i have" "you appear cooler to me now"                   PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   DEBATE: "dude, ass is so much better" "no way, tits are top notch!" "i enjoy personality" *awkward silence* "well that's mighty gay of you"                   BROAH: teens "out bro" each other "sup bro?" "sup bromo sapien?" "sup tony bromo?" "sup BROSEIDON, KING OF THE BROCEAN, SLAYER OF MERM POON"                   HOT: teens love sexting! 9:14 - i wanna sex u up 9:15 - wat u gna do 2 me? 9:15 - ima stick my penis in ur *goes on wikipedia* 9:24 - labia                   GERIATRIC: teens talk about the future "isn't it crazy that they'll play dubstep at our nursing homes?" "skrillex is our frank sinatra"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   YUM: teen wins Nobel Peace Prize eating at Olive Garden "the breadsticks are unlimited, correct?" yes sir "perfect" *solves world hunger*

FIVE EASIEST COLLEGE MAJORS THAT STILL PAY WELL

Every teen wants to head from high school to college and coast on by with an easy major while getting blackout drunk three or more times a week, but they still want to be absolutely loaded when they finally graduate. Here are five majors that teen news believes fit those criteria.


5) Drugdealing

he couldn't get out the hood
There's a lot of risk in this major because it is always unclear how the market regulations may affect your future opportunities and freedom.  However this is one major that absolutely can be used while you attend school.  Make sure to network to getwork.

4) Stripping

$20 for a "share"
The majority of teens that take this major are female, but that shouldn't get your hopes down.  Even though the standard requirements for female applicants are: at least a 4/10, dirty, and willing to do just about anything for money while the standard requirements for male applicants are: channing tatum esque.  Majoring in stripping could also be used to pay for a major in stripping, while setting yourself up for a career in stripping, prostitution, or pornography.

3) Communications

modern technology
Even though you're not a college athlete, who says you can't take the same classes as those dumbasses?  Sorry, that was a generalization, but 1 out of every 10 communications majors tends to be a Fortune 500 Company CEO I think.

2) Prostitution

4.0 GPA
Think of this as the honors program for stripping majors.  The world will always need two things and hoes are one of them.  In this major it is actually encouraged to sleep with your professors for better grades.

1) Pimping

the campus nerd
Possibly the hardest college major to get into nowadays and by far the most competitive.  However, if you manage to step your pimp game up at the collegiate level and network your way to having a few hoes on deck you might be the next Chill Gates.  Make sure to ask for a beautiful pimp cup (chalice) for graduation from mommy and daddy!