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GOSSIP: 7th graders talk rumors "i heard tina gave billy a handjob behind the bleachers after school" for real? "yea" wait what's a handjob?                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   CHAT: teens talk on AIM™ Sk8rBoy - did she blow u? Dude86 - yea, but she sucked dick at it Sk8rBoy - is that good or bad? Dude86 - lmao dude                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   NOSTALGIA: HS sophomores reminisce about simpler times "remember the 90's?" "not at all"                   DAFT: teens attempt to stay up all night to get lucky "if we stay awake long enough we get laid, right?" "yea that's what the song says"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   NO HOMO: local 6th grader claims he would "suck dick for some lunchables" He further stated that he doesn't know what "suck dick" means                   DATING: teen breaks up with girlfriend "it's just not- *curls dumbbell* WORKING OUT for me" that's funny "i kno rite. but still we're thru"                   KILLER KUSH: teens get high "bro i think i'm dead" "ur just freaking out" "i'm srs" *turns into ghost* "damn, that kush was dank" *hi fives*                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   PRUDE: teen admits he has never kissed a girl "dude how? you're 18" "cause i only kiss women...like YOUR MOM" "YOU GOT ME AGAIN BRO!" *bro5*                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   KILLER KUSH: teens get high "bro i think i'm dead" "ur just freaking out" "i'm srs" *turns into ghost* "damn, that kush was dank" *hi fives*                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   TEEN CRISIS: "hello 911? yes. my internet went out in the middle of a jerk sesh" "what do you mean this isn't an emergency??" "put obama on"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"

FIVE EASIEST COLLEGE MAJORS THAT STILL PAY WELL

Every teen wants to head from high school to college and coast on by with an easy major while getting blackout drunk three or more times a week, but they still want to be absolutely loaded when they finally graduate. Here are five majors that teen news believes fit those criteria.


5) Drugdealing

he couldn't get out the hood
There's a lot of risk in this major because it is always unclear how the market regulations may affect your future opportunities and freedom.  However this is one major that absolutely can be used while you attend school.  Make sure to network to getwork.

4) Stripping

$20 for a "share"
The majority of teens that take this major are female, but that shouldn't get your hopes down.  Even though the standard requirements for female applicants are: at least a 4/10, dirty, and willing to do just about anything for money while the standard requirements for male applicants are: channing tatum esque.  Majoring in stripping could also be used to pay for a major in stripping, while setting yourself up for a career in stripping, prostitution, or pornography.

3) Communications

modern technology
Even though you're not a college athlete, who says you can't take the same classes as those dumbasses?  Sorry, that was a generalization, but 1 out of every 10 communications majors tends to be a Fortune 500 Company CEO I think.

2) Prostitution

4.0 GPA
Think of this as the honors program for stripping majors.  The world will always need two things and hoes are one of them.  In this major it is actually encouraged to sleep with your professors for better grades.

1) Pimping

the campus nerd
Possibly the hardest college major to get into nowadays and by far the most competitive.  However, if you manage to step your pimp game up at the collegiate level and network your way to having a few hoes on deck you might be the next Chill Gates.  Make sure to ask for a beautiful pimp cup (chalice) for graduation from mommy and daddy!