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BALLING: Teen takes girlfriend out to dinner "ight babe were gonna split the 60 pc nugget" "a milkshake? idk babe maybe next time"                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"                   ATTITUDE: teen fired from pizza joint for talking back over the phone "how much will a large pizza feed?" "one if ur a fuckin fatass"                   CURRENT EVENTS: teens discuss politics "dude, did you hear about syria??" wtf is a syria? "lol idk" *rips bong so fucking hard*                   BANGIN: teen goes on date w/ cute female "how'd it go?" let's just say i'm *lowers shades* not a virgin anymore *still totally a virgin*                   SHY: teen refuses to get naked in front of her bf b/c she's "too fat" sources indicate bf "doesn't care" & "just wants to see some titties"                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   WAKE & BAKE: teen wakes up early to prepare for his school's bake sale "this has absolutely nothing to do with weed" "sorry to disappoint"                   BETTER LUCK NEXT RHYME: teen loses a rap battle "spark the blunt with my bic, yea boy i'll suck your dick" "WAIT NO HOMO" "stfu juicy gay"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   VIDEO GAMES: teen gets upset while playing Halo "why's this homo called master chef he never even cooks" "it's chief" "he's not even indian"                   OLD: teen is highly confused "dad what's that?" "its called a newspaper son" "does it get wifi?" "no, its just paper" "well that's retarded"                   RAGER: dozens of teens flock to the local river after hearing reports that the water is "raging" "turn up!" *drowns in river*                   ORATORY SKILLS: teen uses a classic tactic of rhetoric in a debate with his peer "you're gay" "no, YOU'RE gay" *teen stands in shock*                   CRIMINAL: teen sent to a youth correctional facility for inappropriate internet usage "he used 8 hashtags" ...so? "on facebook" LOCK HIM UP                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™

FIVE EASIEST COLLEGE MAJORS THAT STILL PAY WELL

Every teen wants to head from high school to college and coast on by with an easy major while getting blackout drunk three or more times a week, but they still want to be absolutely loaded when they finally graduate. Here are five majors that teen news believes fit those criteria.


5) Drugdealing

he couldn't get out the hood
There's a lot of risk in this major because it is always unclear how the market regulations may affect your future opportunities and freedom.  However this is one major that absolutely can be used while you attend school.  Make sure to network to getwork.

4) Stripping

$20 for a "share"
The majority of teens that take this major are female, but that shouldn't get your hopes down.  Even though the standard requirements for female applicants are: at least a 4/10, dirty, and willing to do just about anything for money while the standard requirements for male applicants are: channing tatum esque.  Majoring in stripping could also be used to pay for a major in stripping, while setting yourself up for a career in stripping, prostitution, or pornography.

3) Communications

modern technology
Even though you're not a college athlete, who says you can't take the same classes as those dumbasses?  Sorry, that was a generalization, but 1 out of every 10 communications majors tends to be a Fortune 500 Company CEO I think.

2) Prostitution

4.0 GPA
Think of this as the honors program for stripping majors.  The world will always need two things and hoes are one of them.  In this major it is actually encouraged to sleep with your professors for better grades.

1) Pimping

the campus nerd
Possibly the hardest college major to get into nowadays and by far the most competitive.  However, if you manage to step your pimp game up at the collegiate level and network your way to having a few hoes on deck you might be the next Chill Gates.  Make sure to ask for a beautiful pimp cup (chalice) for graduation from mommy and daddy!