There's one thing that can ruin your Christmas faster than a fuzzy green monster played by Jim Carey. Over their first winter break, an outbreak of a particular Grinch has spread through homebound college freshmen.
| MADISON, WI - A major rise in frequency of the amount of visits to the local doctor's office had the parents of a particularly active peer group asking all the wrong questions. "Isn't it weird that all of our daughters have been sitting on infected toilet seats lately?" - Concerned Father "I wonder why my Stacy doesn't have as many of her boyfriends over since she's gotten sick?" - Concerned Father "Sarah, who have you been fucking?" - Concerned Mother In order to fully understand the complexity of the situation one must keep in mind the nature of fathers. Most dads have banged at least one girl in their lifetime statistically, and most of those girls have had dads, statistically. However, almost all dads fail to realize that their daughters will also end up banging dudes. The complete ignorance of history in the male patriarchy is the reason there were two world wars, two bush presidents, and two interracial Kardashian engagements.
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