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PHILOSOPHICAL: teen speaks his mind "two wrongs don't make a right, but one bong makes it alright" "yo, one must first turn down to turn up"                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   BONDING: teen doesn't want to go to school "dad, it's just real fcking gay" "honestly son, you have a point" *father rolls fat ass blunt*                   DUB: young teen gets his "ass whooped" after he allegedly tried to pay for a gram of marijuana in Trident Layers™                   WOAH: teen makes friends at new school "sup guys, my name's chad and i think beer is cool" *gets invited to every party in a 20 mile radius*                   BADASS: teen smokes for first time "yeah i found this blunt in my moms ash tray" *lights cig* *coughs* "that good kush and alcohol son!"                   MODERN WARFARE: Teen decides to enlist for military after raising his kill/death ratio to 1.5 in Call of Duty "i'm ready for anything now"                   DISSED: teen engages in a rap battle "dude ur raps are toilet/if i pooped in ur mouth you'd prolly enjoy it" *entire school krumps to death*                   SENSUAL: teen sets up for a perfect date "candle lit dinner, bottle of red wine, and a copy of spy kids on blu ray" *gets 100 blowjobs*                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   ICEBREAKER: teen screws up a classic pick-up line "so babe you ever weigh a polar bear" "what?" *breaks ice on girl's head* "wanna make out"                   LIFE CHANGING: teen has an epiphany while driving "what if... *slams on brakes* "WHAT IF THEY MADE DISPOSABLE SOCKS"                   SMOOTH: teen uses a classic pickup line "you like marijuana?" ummm, yeah! "marijuwanna suck my dick?" *gets laid so hard*                   DRAMABOMB: authorities are investigating a gas that stimulates drama, experts say it's probably oxygen because teen girls are simply bitches                   MUGSHOT: arrested teen makes an odd request while being processed "can you please sepia filter this shot" "also can you hashtag it badass?"                   CRITIC: teen isn't too thrilled with his movie experience "more like the DECENT gatsby, 3/5 stars" "there weren't even tits"                   UNEMPLOYED: teen fills out a job application HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY? Yes. IF YES, EXPLAIN. I murder every beat I rap on.

FUNNY FANTASY FOOTBALL: TWO BLUNTS ONE DRAFT


It's football season, and that means that teens will be getting involved in fantasy football leagues.  Girls will naturally assume these dudes are geeks because of the connotations of the word "fantasy", but dudes know it's much more about winning that $200 pot you all threw $20 into to get the glory and the weed associated with it.




"The first rule of fantasy football is never get stoned before your draft."
- ESPN Fantasy Football Analyst who has chosen to remain anonymous

Ten teens.  Ten teams.  Two blunts.  One draft.  These high school seniors were ready to go and the draft got started with a bang.
"with the first pick in the draft the dildo kings select Aaron Hernandez!"
"dude...he's in prison"
"MY TEAM IS GONNA MURDER YOURS BRO"

not a convicted fellow yet 
The rest of the first round went as expected, with picks 2-9 being the teens struggling to pronounce the names of the players rated 1-8 on their draft sheets.  However, things took a turn for the worst when their nerdy friend, who was filling in for a last second drop out, was forced to display his lack of fantasy football knowledge.  
"with the tenth pick in the draft, thanks for having me guys by the way"
"JUST FUCKING PICK"
"umm, ok, let's see, the pwning noobs will take Stephen Gostkowski!"
*everyone's jaw drops*

u goofed dude massive leg tho
"When you draft under the influence of marijuana you might do something stupid, like draft a kicker in the first round.  You have to be mentally challenged to do this sober."
- ESPN Fantasy Football Analyst who doesn't actually exist

The second and third round were smooth sailing.  Until the teens realized their draft sheets only listed out the top 35 and then things went absolutely ridiculous.
"with the 37th pick the chopped and stews take joe montana"
"with the 38th pick the boobs are so much friggin better than ass take tiger woods"
"with the 39th pick the fucking fucks take melanie iglesias"
*bro5*
"she's hella hot"

"You need to have some football knowledge when you draft or at least the mental capacity to look at your god damn iPhone.  Taking retired players, tiger woods, or models you would like to have sex with is not a positive when building a fantasy football team." 
- Jeff

The rest of the draft pretty much went in the same vein.  Except for the one teen who actually watches football, no one was able to fill out a roster with more than 5 NFL players.  The draft grades are in, we'll see who ends up working the waiver wire and taking home the $200!

C+ let's go 49ers
D- pwning noobs
F  chopped and stews
F  420ers
F  boobs are so much friggin better than ass
F  666ers
F  fucking fucks
F  dildo kings
F  69ers
F  you guys are gay