Menu

FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   OH NO: nervous teen asks out girl "b-becky, do y-you w-wanna- *vomits everywhere* *slips on vomit* *penis lands directly in vagina* "swag"                   FAMILY DINNER: "mom what are we eating?" "we're having pasta" *mom puts on dubstep* "with a side of TURNIP" *everyone goes fucking nuts*                   BUSTED: a shirtless teen was seen smoking a cigarette while riding a longboard. Police arrested him for being "too cool" in a school zone                   GAMECUBE: teens gear up for Super Smash Brothers Melee "i'm green falco" "i'm normal falco" "i'm red falco" "i'm ice climbers" "...fag"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   POT: teen claims to be experiencing marijuana withdrawal "the room...it's so cold" bro u smoked for the first time yesterday "U DONT KNO ME"                   CIGS: teen takes up smoking to appear cooler to his peers "have you taken up smoking?" "yes, i have" "you appear cooler to me now"                   POLNO: Frat teen asks bros if a "black polo and flops" is an alright outfit for his grandmas funeral "dude u gotta at least wear sperrys"                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   POPPIN: local teen overdoses on swagger "once he popped his fourth collar his neck couldn't take the pressure and just snapped" "RIP chad"                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   IRL: teen forgets he's not playing GTA V *goes sixty mph on the highway* *jumps out of car* *gets up and walks away*                   MAIL: teen writes love letter to gf babe, ilu more then weed. well, u nd weed r prolly bout equal bc i luv weed alot but still love, steve                   :'(: Girl found passed out after what friends call a 'white girl rampage' "becky was wayyy out of control" "she had likee 11 mochafrapss!!"                   BLAZED: pre-teens have their first sips of beer "when am i gonna get high?" "i've had like three. i.....i think i'm feelin it"                   PROGRESSIVE: teens talk car insurance "would you bang Flo?" "i'd let her suck my dick" "i'd be down for a-" *lowers shades* "flojob" *high5*                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"

FUNNY FANTASY FOOTBALL: TWO BLUNTS ONE DRAFT


It's football season, and that means that teens will be getting involved in fantasy football leagues.  Girls will naturally assume these dudes are geeks because of the connotations of the word "fantasy", but dudes know it's much more about winning that $200 pot you all threw $20 into to get the glory and the weed associated with it.




"The first rule of fantasy football is never get stoned before your draft."
- ESPN Fantasy Football Analyst who has chosen to remain anonymous

Ten teens.  Ten teams.  Two blunts.  One draft.  These high school seniors were ready to go and the draft got started with a bang.
"with the first pick in the draft the dildo kings select Aaron Hernandez!"
"dude...he's in prison"
"MY TEAM IS GONNA MURDER YOURS BRO"

not a convicted fellow yet 
The rest of the first round went as expected, with picks 2-9 being the teens struggling to pronounce the names of the players rated 1-8 on their draft sheets.  However, things took a turn for the worst when their nerdy friend, who was filling in for a last second drop out, was forced to display his lack of fantasy football knowledge.  
"with the tenth pick in the draft, thanks for having me guys by the way"
"JUST FUCKING PICK"
"umm, ok, let's see, the pwning noobs will take Stephen Gostkowski!"
*everyone's jaw drops*

u goofed dude massive leg tho
"When you draft under the influence of marijuana you might do something stupid, like draft a kicker in the first round.  You have to be mentally challenged to do this sober."
- ESPN Fantasy Football Analyst who doesn't actually exist

The second and third round were smooth sailing.  Until the teens realized their draft sheets only listed out the top 35 and then things went absolutely ridiculous.
"with the 37th pick the chopped and stews take joe montana"
"with the 38th pick the boobs are so much friggin better than ass take tiger woods"
"with the 39th pick the fucking fucks take melanie iglesias"
*bro5*
"she's hella hot"

"You need to have some football knowledge when you draft or at least the mental capacity to look at your god damn iPhone.  Taking retired players, tiger woods, or models you would like to have sex with is not a positive when building a fantasy football team." 
- Jeff

The rest of the draft pretty much went in the same vein.  Except for the one teen who actually watches football, no one was able to fill out a roster with more than 5 NFL players.  The draft grades are in, we'll see who ends up working the waiver wire and taking home the $200!

C+ let's go 49ers
D- pwning noobs
F  chopped and stews
F  420ers
F  boobs are so much friggin better than ass
F  666ers
F  fucking fucks
F  dildo kings
F  69ers
F  you guys are gay