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COLLEGE: teen takes Adderall to help his grades "i'm gunna crush this test yo" *next day* "wait, you have to STUDY also??" *fails hard*                   BUSTED: teens get pulled over on the highway "is there any marijuana in the vehicle?" "lol of course dude it's the HIGHway" "have fun kids"                   CHIVALRY: teen cooks a romantic dinner for his girlfriend "are you enjoying your ham and cheese hot pocket babe?" "no. not at all."                   GRADES: teen girl prays she doesn't fail her history test "anything but an F, my parents will kill me!" boys reply "i guess she wants the D"                   GOSSIP: 7th graders talk rumors "i heard tina gave billy a handjob behind the bleachers after school" for real? "yea" wait what's a handjob?                   ROCK: 13 year old considers Creed to be "classic rock" "hey dad, let's spark a doobie and listen to creed" "son, just stop"                   FILIBUSTED: student government faces a shut down "our spring fling should be 70s themed" "80s OR NOTHING" presently no agreement is in sight                   WOAH: teen finds out the secret to girls "it's all about politeness" *pulls out seat* "you look lovely" *ripsticks directly into her vagina*                   SWAGGER: teen gets ready for saturday night yeah this snapback yolo combo will for sure get me laid *chugs diet pepsi* TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?                   TRILL SMITH: teen claims to be "too trill for homework" "you think ima need to know algebra when i'm a famous rapper?" "bitch swerve"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   HIGH TIMES: teens smoke weed after school "dude... sinks are like showers but for your hands" *passes joint* ..bro that's fucking adorable                   WOAH: teens get rowdy while driving "yo call that guy a fag and then drive off" "FAG!" "haha yes, we are so badass" *everyone high fives*                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   BEEFIN: 7th grader claims to "have beef" w/ his mother after she forgot to pack Zebra Cakes in his lunchbox "bitch knows i need my z cakes"                   VIOLENT: teen in critical condition after being assaulted during a game of Mario Party "i told that piece of shit not to steal my star"                   SCIENCE PROJECT: "as you can see, the air flows through the water bec-" THIS IS A BONG "it's called a water pipe" GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*

RAZOR SCOOTERS, MONSTER ENGERY, AXE AND MORE: TEEN POV

teen news brings you the point of view of teens with a letter we received



Dear Teen News,

 I am a teen and a huge fan of your website! I wrote this for you in the notes app on my iPhone after taking 80 mg of Adderall, so here is the story of what I did last night.
“Mom, can I have some money? I’m going out!" I grab my Razor scooter from the garage, pausing to flip the bird to my gay ass helmet before grabbing the cash from momma dukes and dashing out the door. It’s Friday night, and as my favorite philosopher Rebecca Black once said, I’ve “gotta get down on Friday”. Where am I getting down? The one place that teens can really be teens: the mall!

Cindy Miller posted a Facebook pic of her and her squad of short skirted she devils, so I made sure to spray extra AXE all over myself in case I run into them in Hot Topic. As I ride, the only “hot topic” I’m thinking about is Cindy, and the way she can drink a full Monster without even puking.
fuel me up teen news
I get to the mall around 5 o’clock so that I have time to “fish” for cigarettes before meeting up with my bros. I’m 18, I just never got a license because driving is for losers who listen to country music and eat dinner with their families. After being spit on by an elderly woman who clearly disapproved of my “Medicare Schmedicare” t-shirt, I decided to retreat into the bowls of the mall and search for Cindy Miller.

 I realize that I am not exactly “smooth” with the ladies, so I bought some Adderall from my friend Pete “Dogshit” Williams to get me on top of my game before meeting up with Cindy. I washed the pills down with a can of Mountain Dew, which I shotgunned in the bathroom of Aeropostel while my boy Tom filmed it for Vine. Hashtag fucking rad.

 I saw Cindy sitting in the food court with her duck faced friends and decided to approach her. “Hey Cindy” I stammered, taking a hefty puff of my E-cig. As I exhaled, the thick white smoke formed the word, “LOSER”, and I knew that I was doomed. “Ew! Are you wearing AXE?” said Cindy, twisting her face into some disgusted emoji. “Let me “AXE” you something, do you really think your cool enough to be talking to someone like me”? I turned my snapback backwards and said the first thing my stimulant filled brain could think of, “you’re*”.