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NO: teen in critical condition after asserting "digimon was way cooler than pokemon" "there's some things you just can't fucking say steve"                   FUN: teen boys go to their first college party together "we're gunna pick up so many bitches" Reports indicate they "picked up no bitches"                   FUN: teens prepare for Halloween "okay. i'm mario, jeff's luigi, mark's wario, and steve.. ur waluigi" why am i waluigi? "BC NO ONE LIKES U"                   HOLLAWEEN: Teens discuss their halloween costumes "im dressin up as a mocha frappe gonna be watchin the bitches flock" "im going as molly"                   SOLAR SHOUTOUT: teens study for astronomy "earth is a planet, whats the sun?" "its our world's star" "WORLDSTAR?" "WORLDSTAR" *they go nuts*                   ONLY 90s KIDS: teen tries new pickup lines "damn girl you give me goosebumps cause you are R.L. Fine af" "turn to page 69 if you wanna bang"                   CLASSIC: 7th grader settles down and watches Family Guy *peter farts on screen for 45 seconds* "seth macfarlane is nothing short of genius"                   WHITE GIRL: teen asked what 5 things she would bring to a deserted island 1. uggs 2. iPhone 3. iPhone charger 4. starbucks giftcard 5. my bf                   SURVEY: 7 out of 10 teens agree that 3 out of 10 teens are "lame af" and "will not be sitting at our lunch table this year"                   SO CLOSE: teen blows it at the last minute "ready for sex girl?" oh yea! *sound of velcro shoes coming off* *pussy becomes drier than paper*                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   POOETRY: Teen fed up w/ eng class "do u love rap music? then class you'll love Edgar Allen Poe" "MORE LIKE EDGAR ALLEN POOP" "grow up steve"                   GRADES: Student receives an "F" on powerpoint presentation for using too many laser sounds in transitions "that sound effect is gangster af"                   PISSED: teen gets fed up with teacher "can i use the bathroom?" "i don't know, CAN you?" *takes deep breath* *pisses all over teachers desk*                   FADEAD: teens try drugs for the first time "dude i smoked like eleven beers" one teen claims "i drank like 2 weeds and drove" one teen dead                   YOLO: HS teen takes it to the limit LET'S *turns hat sideways* FUCKING *puts speakers up to 80% full volume* DO THIS *drinks 2 light beers*                   ROMANCE: teen learns the power of seduction "i have alcohol, weed, and an open house. wanna come over?" *gets laid to death*                   HIGH SCHOOL: teens talk music "you hear the new earl sweatpants album?" heck yes! GOLF GANG!! "damn, we're so #swag"                   COLLEGE: teen takes Adderall to help his grades "i'm gunna crush this test yo" *next day* "wait, you have to STUDY also??" *fails hard*

HOW TO BE COOL IN HIGH SCHOOL

Everyone wants to be cool in high school. Cool kids get the girls, cool kids go to the parties, cool kids get their own reserved seating in the cafeteria. Well if you want to be cool, follow these easy steps, and you’ll be dining with the kings and queens of your school in no time



Make Fun of Everyone You Can

This part should seem obvious. Remember that time Chad Longdick called you a “fag”? Well how cool is Chad? Exactly. For this reason it is extremely important you put down any person you come across: your friends, your parents, your teachers, your dog. Remember, the more people that dislike you the cooler you’ll be

pussy
Have Sex with Girls

Okay so this part should also seem obvious, but a lot of people forget it. Remember that time Chad had sex with that girl who doesn't know your name? Well how cool is Chad? Wait, we already went over that. Regardless, you should definitely have sex with females. Take pictures too and send them to teennews69@gmail.com (no fat chicks)
 
is hillary duff still cute noawadays?

Study

HAHAHAHAHAAH I’m fuckin witchu
 
hit bongs not books
Sell Drugs

Remember that time Chad didn't sell you any weed because he has no idea who you are? Well as we all know, Chad is cool. Selling drugs is the easiest way to make friends as a teenager because if there’s one thing I know about teens, they love drugs. If you don’t have any drugs try selling Advil to that weird kid in your Algebra class. He’ll probably buy it
 
20 bucks a tab yo
Get All Your Pokemon to Level 100

Listen up pussy, if all six of your Pokemon aren’t level 100, people aren't ever going to take you seriously. You think Chad rolls up to the club with a level 82 Charizard? Fuck no. That boy rolls around wit hunnits. We talkin Blastoise, Snorlax, shit, the guy’s even got a level 100 Aerodactyl. That’s dope. So next time you’re in school thinkin you’re hot shit with your level 64 Exeggutor, think again nerd
raw af