#1 “Cat rack”
According to a study conducted by the National Wildlife Federation, about 80% of female teens will be dressing up like cats this year, and every year after. When they arrive at your party(make sure girls come to your party), these pussies will be wet with sweat from wearing those ridiculous cat ears and drinking too much coffee. Lick this problem by placing a “cat rack” near the door for girls to hang their ears & dignity.
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| All that pussay |
#2 The Monster© Mash
Halloween falls on a Thursday this year, so you know your guests will be thirsty as fuck. There isn’t a more suitable beverage for a Halloteen party than Monster energy drink!
“idk bro, Halloween is kind of gay.”
*hands over a Monster*
“bro, drink this.”
*takes sip*
*walks up to a girl*
“Dick or treat baby?”
*Gets laid*
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| TurnUp! |
#3 Games
Pin the Snapback on the Teen, Bobbing for Apple Products and Fear Pong. These are just a few games to entertain your guests with during the few moments they spend looking up from their iPhones.
“Bro, I heard you lost a game of Fear Pong & had to stick a remote up your ass! That shit cray!”
“Yeah, bro. Wanna know what’s even more cray? I actually kinda liked it.”
*awkward silence*
“Don’t tell my dad”
#4 Condoms
Easy access to birth control has become the most whore-ifying thing since the emergence of short shorts in the 1970s. Right now, you’re just a kid with a sheet over him pretending to be a ghost on Halloween, but, contracting a deadly STD could cause you to become a ghost pretending to be a kid with a sheet over him. Also, getting someone pregnant would totally suck, unless you’re hoping MTV will recruit you for whatever piece of shit program they’re running now.
“Damn girl, are you a haunted house? Because I’m scared to come inside you.”
*pulls out a pumpkin full of condoms*
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| maximum swag |
#5 Jack-Me-Off-O-Lanterns
Let’s face it, you’re only throwing this party in the hopes that some girl will sleep with you in your parents’ bedroom while your dog watches and humps your sister’s stuffed Justin Bieber doll. Carve some suggestive phrases and symbols into a few pumpkins and you’ll be eating Candy all night! (Candy is that girl with the bum leg that just transferred from Central).
“Does that pumpkin say “skullfuck & crossBONER” on it?”
“carved it myself”
*dies of sex*
-TNR6
